Grumbling vs. Authenticity: What’s the Difference?
“The Bible has warnings about boldly embracing whatever comes out of our hearts.”
Our age has been called the “age of authenticity” (Charles Taylor, A Secular Age) or the age of “expressive individualism” (Carl Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution). Both in the church and in the surrounding culture, there is little we value more in a person than their vulnerability and transparency. We probably value someone being “real” more than we value them being godly, or disciplined, or knowledgable, or even kind. It is the hallmark of the modern self, and this development has truly taken centuries to dominate our culture the way it has.
But how does the Bible view this cultural trend?
Let me say at the outset that an interest in the inner life of the individual is a uniquely Christian invention. The first autobiographical journey into the human heart was St. Augustine’s Confessions. And it was Luther’s claim against the Catholic church that “to go against conscience is neither right nor safe.” Some say Luther put his individual conscience above the Church and so was the first modern individual. Evangelicals, too, convinced Americans in the 18th and 19th century that they should put no confidence in their church membership, but are only saved if they had “accepted Jesus into their hearts.” They told us that what matters most about you is not what community you are a part of but what is in your individual heart.
The Bible’s Warnings About Authenticity
Our culture has taken these spiritual innovations and now esteemed the individual as God. More than glorifying God or loving our neighbors, becoming and expressing the true “me” is the goal of human life.
But the Bible has warnings about boldly embracing whatever comes out of our hearts. Here are three famous verses about the matter that I think any wise person would recognize as obviously true:
Jeremiah 17:9-10
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
“I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.”
Mark 7:20–23
And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit,
but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Authenticity by itself is not necessarily virtuous. The venting of a bitter and unbelieving heart (i.e., grumbling) is never celebrated in the Bible. In fact, it frequently comes up as seriously displeasing to the Lord. Much of what comes out of our hearts is not “authentic” or “genuine” but in fact lies about God and others—that is, insincere.
Now, I imagine this may sound like gaslighting. “If we tell people to not trust their own hearts, it means they are not allowed to trust their own sense of reality. This puts people in a position to be abused or mistreated.”
Yes, it is true, if we can’t trust own hearts, we need something else we can have total confidence in. We have to insist that this is the Lord and his Word. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him.” (Prov 3:4-5)
Celebrating Sincerity
The kind of authenticity celebrated by the Bible is when a tender and believing heart expresses itself in words. For example, confessing sin to one another is celebrated in the Bible (James 5:16). This is an authenticity that is humble, fears God, but also trusts in the hope of grace. “If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:7–8)
Anyone who has heard a humble and honest confession of sin has experienced what this verse is describing. Confession creates deep relationships. This is generally what Christians mean by vulnerability and authenticity, and it should absolutely be encouraged as much as possible in church communities.
Another kind of healthy authenticity the Apostle Paul describes in his ministry. “For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ” (2 Cor. 2:17). Paul is speaking of his motivations in his ministry. He’s saying, “I’m not here to make money. God can see who I really am, and who you see and who God sees is the same.” We regard people as genuine when their motives are pure and not self-serving. Again, humility creates honesty and integrity.
“The kind of authenticity celebrated by the Bible is when a tender and believing heart expresses itself in words.”
That’s in contrast to the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, who look clean on the outside but inwardly are dead (Matt. 23:25–26). Hypocrisy is a discordance between who we are internally and externally. In fact, much postmodern cynicism sees people’s motivations as always a grab for power. The bible has some sympathy for this suspicion but also believes people can act with clear consciences and sincere motivations. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8).
The Corrosive Nature of Grumbling
So how is this related to grumbling? Well the Bible gives clear warnings about grumbling, and I’m sure we all sense there are times that we justify our complaining, grumbling, bitterness, and discontent by saying, “I’m just being honest.” Small groups can turn prayer time into a gossip hour or gripe fest, and we all must wonder at times, “Is this really honoring to the Lord? This doesn’t feel like honesty and sincerity.”
Grumbling is an ugly form of authenticity. It is not humble but proud and entitled. It does not receive hardship from the Lord’s hand and blames others for our discontent.
In the Scriptures, there are several sources of grumbling. Here are just a few:
I don’t want to serve. “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Pet. 4:9). Our flesh simply does not want to do what God has commanded, and so we complain about the service he has demanded of us.
The Lord has not blessed me. “And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it his anger was kindled … And the people of Israel wept again and said, ‘Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now are strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but his manna to look at.” (Num. 11:1, 4-6). We have dreams for how we wanted our lives to be, and when the Lord has not granted us that life, we are tempted to grumble at him.
People have let me down. “The whole congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. The sons of Israel said to them, ‘Would that we had died by the Lord’s hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger’” (Exod. 16:2-3) The life that we dream for ourselves, we often expect others to provide for us. There is a particular temptation to grumble about those in leadership and authority over us, whether parents, bosses, or pastors.
We should be alert: grumbling is the canary in the coal mine, revealing unbelief in our hearts.
Personally, I can see in myself how closely I’ve associated authenticity with my complaining heart. If a person asks me, “How are you doing?”, my instinct is to share something not going well. Our cynicism believes that an answer like, “The Lord is good and has blessed me; he has been so faithful” is candy coating over the true hardships we are facing. We think that is pious insincerity.
But again we must be careful. As cathartic as grumbling feels, and even as we tell ourselves we are just being “real”, it pushes people away from us. It turns us in on ourselves and does not deepen our confidence in the Lord. “Do all things without grumbling…” (Phil. 2:14).
A Couple Practical Takeaways
Even when sharing hardships, acknowledge, “God is good and I trust him.” As a community, we do need to share with each other the hardships we are facing. We have to talk about our pain, and people in pain often want to talk. How else can we pray for each other (James or weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15) or carry one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2) unless we hear what those burdens are? But as we share it must be done from a believing heart. We must discipline ourselves and say to one another, “God is good and we can trust him.”
When you feel you have been mistreated, seek godly counsel only from a few trusted advisors—but then go to the person directly. Grumbling and gossip go hand in hand. We are always tempted to tell others of the ways people disappoint us. There are times when we are in conflict and sincerely do need the help of others to know the godly way forward. We resist grumbling by restricting these conversations to just a few wise counselors, who are not looking for a morsel of gossip, but who will wisely encourage us in the way of humility and truth.
One note: some might wonder, “What is the difference between grumbling and godly confrontation with pastors or leaders? Jesus tells us to beware of false teachers (Matt. 7:15).” I plan to address this question in another article in the coming weeks.
The Authentic God
The reason this matters to us is because our God is a God who has made himself known to us. He is open and has not stayed hidden. He has revealed himself in the Bible and in Jesus Christ. He has let us into the inner chambers of his being. He wants intimacy with us, and when we come to know him, we learn what intimacy and transparency and sincerity and authenticity truly mean.
