My family and I have been reading through the book of Ephesians after dinner one verse at a time. It is remarkable how often we can have a rich 30-minute conversation on one verse. The depth of God's Word!

The answers they gave were such a full picture of what the love of a man for his wife should look like. I was challenged and inspired, so I wrote them down.

1. Jesus leads his bride.

Jesus says he is the Good Shepherd who leads his sheep the church. They trust him and follow where he goes. Above all he leads them to his Father. A husband will often feel like a failure. If there is one area of leadership to prioritize, he must lead his family to God. Make sure they go to church every Sunday. If family worship will happen in the home, it will likely be because the father has made it happen. Even if the wife is more spiritually minded, or spiritually mature, the husband is the spiritual leader of the home. It is a great gift to a woman when a man, even in his weakness, resolves that his family will live under the word of God. Leadership is love.

2. Jesus is an example to his bride.

The Apostle Paul said, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Shepherds lead by being examples (1 Peter 5:1–3). Some husbands think they lead by being Bible experts who can lecture their wife and children with theology. Far more valuable is a husband who believes the word of God and obeys what it says. A wife and children will experience this as love. Obedience is love.

3. Jesus provides for his bride.

My children also said Jesus provides for his bride. Jesus says to his bride, “If you ask me anything in my name, I do it” (John 14:14). All that the church needs, Jesus has promised to provide for her. The Bible in other places . This doesn’t mean a wife does not work and also provide for the family (Prov. 31:15—I’ve written another article about this). Jesus often provides for us through his bride the church. They are one. But the husband takes responsibility for a sense of safety in the home. Safety is love.

4. Jesus listens to his bride.

One of the most remarkable qualities of Jesus is the lengths he goes to listen. Billions of Christians speak to him everyday about the deepest troubles of their hearts. He loves to listen to his bride. The husband who loves his bride, stops his day, to hear what is happening in the life and heart of his wife. Just as prayer with Jesus usually requires set times (morning and evening, quiet time, etc.), so too a marriage needs set times where a husband lovingly listens to what is on his wife’s mind. Listening is love.

5. Jesus is present with his bride.

Jesus final words to his bride in the Gospel of Matthew were, “Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). Jesus will demand many sacrifices from his bride the church, but the one thing she will never be asked to sacrifice or give up is him. You may lose your home, or family, or friends, or money. You may lose your life. But you will never have to go without Jesus. It should be a mercy to a husband to know it is love for him to simply be around. Being present is love.

6. Jesus keeps his promises to his bride.

The God of the Bible is a promise making God. All of God's promises find their fulfillment in Jesus (2 Cor. 1:20). Above all, marriage is the promise, “I will never leave you.” A faithful husband communicates this promise over and over in verbal and non-verbal ways. He assures his wife’s heart, “I am not leaving.” Marriage demands perseverance and resilience. Faithfulness is love.

7. Jesus serves his bride.

Jesus says he is the king who didn’t come to be served, but to serve. Jesus defines leadership this way. In the Bible, manhood means using your strength for the good of others. It recognizes that strength is the gift of being a man (Prov. 20:29; 1 Peter 3:7). In a thousand big and small ways, “I am here to serve” is the spirit that gives a home the aroma of love. Servanthood is love.

8. Jesus forgives his bride.

We see Jesus in the gospels forgiving sins. The Apostle Paul calls husbands to not be harsh with their wives. It is a common temptation for husbands to have a critical spirit. Jesus is so amazingly patient with his bride! Think of all our sins! He is patient, quick to forgive. He doesn't throw our sins in our face. Grace is love.

9. Jesus speaks to his bride.

The passage in Ephesians puts a special emphasis on the words Jesus speaks that wash his Bride (Eph. 5:26–27). As the church gathers week after week to hear Jesus speak to her, she becomes more beautiful. The words a husband speaks to his wife, may be what determines her well-being more than anything outside the Lord himself. He can crush her with words. He can make her flourish with words. Jesus’ words prove true in his bride; he says, “You are lovely,” and she becomes so more and more. The thousands of daily I-love-yous and You-make-me-happys take effect, making a wife lovelier and more delightful as the years go by. Words are love.

10. Jesus sacrifices himself for his bride.

The most explicit answer to how Jesus has loved his bride is by dying for her. Husbands love their wives by giving up their lives for their wives and children. This is the center of how the Bible understands becoming a true man. He will have hobbies or career ambitions he won't be able to pursue because he is married. He will have things he can no longer buy because his expenses are devoted to his family. With his time, or energy (or in the marriage bed—my kids didn’t mention this one, but it’s important), the guiding principle is: her first. Sacrifice is love.

11. Jesus cherishes his bride.

A wife feels loved when she senses she gives joy and pleasure to her husband. It is not natural for us to think that Jesus takes delight in his church. We think he is mainly disappointed with her. But Ephesians says that he cherishes his Bride. He loves to be with her. He loves to talk to her. There is no greater passion in his life. Delight is love.

There are probably a thousand more answers—how deep and wide is the love of Christ for his bride! I was blow away at my children's understanding of what it means to be a husband. And it all comes from having meet Jesus through his bride, the church. None of them are married and they know all this because of Jesus.

So how will a husband come to be like this? How will he know how to love a bride like Jesus? He must first become the bride himself. He is a part of the church, the community of those loved by Jesus the bridegroom. The problem is, we often don’t really believe that Jesus loves his bride in the ways listed above. We think he is harsh, critical, demanding, distant.

Maybe the truth is we will become like the kind of Jesus we serve, whether it’s the true Jesus or not. You become what you worship. When we worship a distorted Jesus, we become distorted human beings. When we worship the true Husband, we become true husbands (and wives), too.

Love comes to a home when a man experiences for himself that Jesus provides, listens, serves, speaks, delights, and gladly forgives. When Jesus has been gentle with him, he will learn to be gentle with his wife.