Dear graduates heading off to college,

As you are busy getting ready to leave, and the more I say the less you will remember, I want to leave you with just three priorities for succeeding in college. By “succeeding,” I mean growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ and the fruit of the Spirit. 

Here are the three, in order of priority: 

1. Find a solid Reformed church. 

2. Make godly friends. 

3. Pursue a godly mentor. 

I have seen many friends over the years drift away from the faith, and the common denominator among all of them is that they either attended a church with shallow theology or stopped attending church altogether.

Yes, your studies are important, and so is preparing for the responsibilities on the other side of your diploma, but Jesus warns that you can gain the whole world and forfeit your soul, so I’m eager to give you advice about the latter. 

Find a solid Reformed church. 

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to find a faith community, become a member, and submit to leadership. I have seen many friends over the years drift away from the faith, and the common denominator among all of them is that they either attended a church with shallow theology or stopped attending church altogether. The way to stay anchored in the faith is to remain connected to God’s people under the faithful preaching of his word and around his table in the Lord’s Supper. Christ is in these things; commit yourself to them. 

As we are a PCA church, I recommend you begin your search using the PCA church directory. If you cannot find a suitable church* through that, extend your search using the NAPARC church finder or this map. If you still can’t find a suitable church, you might try the TGC church finder. Of course, you can always ask us for help assessing a church. 

(* An article for another time, but briefly, a suitable church means: the historic creeds are confessed, the word of God is preached faithfully and expositionally, the Lord’s Supper is served regularly, church discipline is practiced, ordained offices are reserved for qualified men, the fruits of the Spirit are evident, and you don’t feel dead inside being there.)

Just so you know I’m not making this up: 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Heb. 10:24–25)

Next to your faith community, nothing will influence you more than the company you keep. This is not only an observable fact of life, but it’s biblical wisdom

You need the church, and the church needs you. 

Make godly friends.

Years ago my youth pastor gave me this advice for finding a spouse, but it works the same for finding good friends: “Run as fast and as far toward Christ as you can, then look to your right and your left, and marry a woman who’s running next to you.”

If you find a spouse in college using that method, wonderful! But you should use the same method for finding a friend. Next to your faith community, nothing will influence you more than the company you keep. This is not only an observable fact of life, but it’s biblical wisdom (which, by the way, is precisely why it’s an observable fact of life):

 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,

    but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Prov 13:20)

It would be a shame to spend thousands on college tuition and graduate a fool. Instead, pursue wisdom by making friends with the wise.

My advice to you? See if your college has Christian clubs like RUF, InterVarsity, or something similar. Host a Bible study on your dorm floor and see who joins you. Post in your school’s commons about weekly morning prayer. If you take that kind of initiative, you will draw people who are also seeking Christ. Those are the friends you want. 

Pursue a godly mentor.

This is a variation on the point above. Proverbs 1–9 presupposes something: the young and foolish need the older and wise. There is simply no way to get wisdom and understanding but from someone with wisdom and understanding. 

Embrace the fact that ignorance is an inevitable quality of youth, and begin shedding ignorance now (you’ll never finish) by finding a wise mentor. Not only will you grow in wisdom and understanding, but, wonderfully, you will gain a spiritual mother or father—assuming they have the motherly and fatherly love of God abiding in them. 

I had one such mentor in college, my systematic theology professor Dr. Johnson. He taught profound truths to me in the classroom, and then he looked at me from across the lunch table with eyes of love and tenderness when I shared about my life. We developed a true friendship even as there was a clear mentor-mentee dynamic. I cannot tell you how much this man shaped my life. Even though we have lost touch, I know if I saw him today it would be a warm greeting. 

But how to find such a person? If you go to a Christian college, ask several older students who the favorite professors are. Try and take their classes. Invite one or two of them to lunch in the cafeteria with you and see if conversation flows. Don’t give up right away, but don’t force it. If you go to a public school, ask a leader of a Christian club for leads. Better yet, at your church, ask the pastor if he can help find you a mentor. 

This will take effort, but it is worth it. When you are away from father and mother, from family and church family, having a father or mother figure in a mentor is a wonderful comfort and a huge asset to your growth.

So my young brothers and sisters heading off to college, I leave you with these three simple instructions. I am certain that if you follow them, you will have laid a foundation not only for a successful college experience, but also a successful launch into the rest of adulthood. You will succeed in the true sense of the word: you will grow in the knowledge and grace of Jesus Christ. 

Don’t gain a diploma and forfeit your soul. May God bless you richly. 

And if I may be sappy for a moment: remember that your pastors love you. We baptized some of you. Our congregation vowed to assist your parents in your nurture and admonition. Our elders watched over your soul for many years. We love you greatly, and it gives us great delight to see our young men and women go into the world abiding in the truth (3 John 4). 

Please continue to be our joy and crown (Phil 4:1). 

Go in peace.