In my years of pastoral ministry, we have had many people come to our church who did not have a background in infant baptism. My experience is that, for many people, when they hear the scriptural argument, they say, “That makes sense, but I can see it both ways—Presbyterian or Baptist.”

It is generally when they hear what I call the pastoral argument that they are convinced of the paedobaptist view. The basics of the pastoral argument are that the Bible gives us permission to regard the children of believers as Christians who need to be discipled, not unbelievers who need to be converted. They are born in (unless they chose out), instead of they are born out (unless they chose in). 

By placing our children in our homes and our church, God has already done a tremendous work of grace in their lives. Baptism makes grace the defining mark of their lives from the very beginning…

This does not mean that they are automatically saved because their parents are believers; they absolutely need to have their own faith. But as I explain this approach to parents, they begin to realize how infant baptism is more consistent with their understanding of the gospel and a grace-centered approach to parenting. In fact, I believe that many faithful Baptists do raise their children as Christians—and all I’m saying is that infant baptism is more consistent with how the children should be raised.

1. Grace Comes before Obedience

The key issue is this: grace powers obedience. A person is first accepted by God—by grace— through Christ, then called to obey him. This logic is the heart of the Christian life and should be the most fundamental truth informing our parenting.

Because very early on in a child’s life, his or her parents are going to start demanding obedience. Not just obedience to them but even obedience to God. They will read Scriptures to their children like, “Children, obey your parents” (Eph. 6:1). The children will be disciplined for failing to do this and be told how displeased God is by sin.

This is entirely appropriate. But we don’t demand obedience from Christian adults without first assuring them that their sins have all been forgiven in Jesus. Isn’t obedience to God’s Word impossible for the unbeliever without the power of the Holy Spirit? If we demand obedience from children without giving them the gospel, we are training them in works-righteousness, which ultimately leads to spiritual death.

So, for example, if we are making children obey Ephesians 6:1, shouldn’t we also be preaching to them the first five chapters of Ephesians—that these things are true of them:

• You have been chosen before the foundation of the world in Christ (Eph. 1:4)

• You have the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of your inheritance (1:13-14)

• You have been saved through faith by grace, not of your good works (2:8-9)

• You are God’s workmanship; he has created good works for you so that you just have to walk in them (2:10)

• Christ dwells in you and his love is beyond your comprehension (3:16-19)

• You have gifts given to you by Jesus so that you can build others up (4:7-8)

These are the great blessings of being a Christian—being in Christ. The Lord intends for a child to have and know this grace before he is asked to obey Ephesians 6:1. A Christian upbringing should include drinking deeply of the grace that is ours in Christ. 

But what happens if we demand obedience of our children without giving them this grace?

2. Our Children Should Not Be Treated as Half-Christians

Often, parents don’t believe they are free to give their children this grace. Can I tell my child he/she was chosen before the foundation of the world? Paul says it pretty confidently to the children in Ephesus. Can I tell my children they have the Holy Spirit? Or that they will be with Jesus (and our family) forever in heaven and the age to come?

Children come into the world with eyes wide open, wondering, “Who am I?” Baptism is the answer.

There is a common belief that children cannot become believers until they come to an age of accountability. Sometimes this age can be as old as thirteen or even eighteen. But if they are not Christians for those first thirteen years, what are they? It is strange to call them unbelievers or pagans. I mean, they go to church every week, pray, fellowship with Christians, and read the Bible. Sounds like a Christian to me.

So instead of being treated as full-fledged members of God’s family, they are treated as half-Christians. And the half they get is the law. Demands of being good and obedient are constantly placed on them, but they never get to be refreshed by the blessings of Christ. This has a deeply formative effect on children. It forms in them a sense that God is reluctant to welcome them, and they must reach some level of spiritual sophistication before they know God’s full embrace. They often wonder, “Is something supposed to happen in me so I become a full Christian? What is it? Do I need to rebel so that I can have a compelling conversion story?” 

If we delay baptism, especially if we wait until adolescence, we are training our children to reason this way.

All this is contrary to the gospel. Even though we would never explicitly say this, it communicates they earn God’s approval by proving they are good or spiritual. Once we see fruit, then we will believe they are really Christians. But that is not how God forms life and obedience in people. “Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith?” (Galatians 3:2). It is a huge temptation for parents to think that by laying the law on our children, it will result in the fruit of the Spirit. The Bible says it won’t.

I don’t believe this is what God intends for the children of his people. I think he wants them to grow up with a clear sense of identity and security in God’s love. Children come into the world with eyes wide open, wondering, “Who am I?” Baptism is the answer. In baptism, God is placing on them an identity—his name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Before they do anything good or evil, God acts and places his grace upon them and intends that their whole life will flow from that first act of grace. 

It is an identity that they are then reminded of over and over. When they are disciplined for disobedience, discipline becomes an opportunity for them to hear the gospel. When they come to worship and eat at the Lord’s Table, God’s covenant is renewed with them again.

But still, don’t they need to come to believe for themselves? 

3. Children Make Professions of Faith throughout Their Lives

Now, some Baptists would say, “You are right. I shouldn’t wait so long for my child to be baptized. Even if they profess faith at age three, we should baptize them.” Now, this position is much closer in spirit to ours than other Baptists’ positions. But the reality is: why did the child say they believed at age three? Only because you told them to. This is not functionally that different from bringing an infant for baptism.

As a pastor, I’ve heard countless testimonies by new church members, and the vast majority say something like, “My mom offered for me to accept Jesus into my heart when I was six.” I will sometimes ask, “Well, did you believe before then?” They always say yes. In fact, they don’t remember a time when they didn’t believe in Jesus.

I believe the Bible envisions this as normal. Most Christian children will profess faith if the gospel is offered to them at very young ages. And we should believe them when they do

But someone will say, “Well, they only believe because their parents told them to.” Yes—that is the point! That is how God intended it. We all come to believe the gospel by someone telling us, and God intends that Christian children would hear it from the earliest age from their parents.

Now, this does not mean that the Holy Spirit doesn’t have important moments of working in a child’s life. What happened at six praying with mom, what happened at thirteen when they went to camp, what happened at nineteen when they went to college—each of these moments that we call “becoming a Christian” are important moments of spiritually maturing. We should encourage them and create experiences that help cultivate these moments of awakening. 

But these can all still happen within the covenant security of baptism and church membership. These spiritual moments should be further nourished by weekly attendance at the Lord’s Table.

In addition, throughout my children’s upbringing, I have given them opportunities to profess their faith in Christ. At dinner, when we read the Scriptures, if we ever come to a passage like John 6:47—where Jesus says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life”—I will go around the table and ask my children one by one: “And do you believe?” When they say, “I do,” I believe them. And I assure them that flesh and blood has not revealed this to them (Matt. 16:17), but the powerful working of the Holy Spirit has given them faith.

All of this really comes from the logic of the gospel. Just by placing our children in our homes and our church, God has already done a tremendous work of grace in their lives. Baptism makes grace the defining mark of their lives from the very beginning, and God intends for this to be normal for the children of God’s people. May our children always know and cherish the steadfast love of God that is theirs in their baptism.