On Children in Church: Why and How

“Church is not a lecture hall but a family gathering at our Father’s table.”

I have had many people say to me that one of the things that drew them to Christ Church was the presence of children not only in the community, but in the worship service. One of our most treasured convictions is that we want whole families, with children from the youngest age, sitting under the word of God and coming to his table together. Because of this our service is not silent; you can hear little noises throughout as parents train their children to worship the living God. Church is not a lecture hall but a family gathering at our Father’s table. We approach him with reverence, but we still approach him as a family, so church should feel like a family gathering.

But having a conviction like this creates a kind of culture during the worship service. We might individually try to intuit what this culture is, but since it has never been articulated clearly, people generally have differing ideas. Some want a quieter service that encourages adult contemplation. Others think that, if children are going to be present, we’d better get used to lots of crying babies. 

Does the Bible speak to this question? Thankfully, yes. God’s word always has incredible wisdom, so I’d like to point out three insights we see from the scriptures.

1. The Bible envisions children as a part of the worship service.

Throughout biblical history, God’s people worshiped him as families. Families came to the tabernacle to eat their peace offerings in the presence of the Lord. At the Passover, it was the youngest child who would ask the father, the head of the household, “What do you mean by this service?” (Exod. 12:26). Similarly, Jesus commanded his disciples to let the little children come to him, for of such was the kingdom of heaven. 

But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” they were indignant, and they said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes, have you never read, ‘Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?” (Matt. 21:15–16)

And when the Apostle Paul wrote the letter to the Ephesians (to be read aloud in church), he addressed the children as part of the assembly (Eph. 6:1). Hence our desire is to encourage children to be in worship, praising Jesus at as early an age as possible.

Children must be trained and discipled to worship God with his people, but not because everyone else is watching. Children will sense if our real motivation is to look like our family has it all together in front of the other church members. The reason children should sit attentively is because they are in the throne room of Almighty God who is worthy of their reverence. Hebrews tells us what is happening in a worship service:

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. (Hebrews 12:22–24)

A meeting like this is not a time for being silly or selfish. It is a place for reverence. If children’s hearts (not just their external behavior) are being formed, they must know that their parents are motivated by a fear of God and not a fear of man.

You might ask, “Why, then, do we have a nursery and children’s church if we want them in church?” It is a mercy. The reality is that bringing a family of young children to church is hard work. I know all about that. When my kids were young, I tried hard to listen to sermons while training them to sit in the service. I was popping in and out of the service. Hushing a baby here so she didn’t distract others; discipling a child there. It took many applications of the rod to train them to sit in church (Prov. 23:13–14). I missed a lot of sermon points in the process. If you are doing this hard work, truly, the Lord commends it.

I also want our parents to know what abundant grace God has for them. Parenting is so humbling, but truly God uses it deeply in our lives and the lives of our children. 

But many parents desperately need time to commune with God, hear his word, and be fed at his table. We believe it is wise to provide a way for them to do this while their children are loved and discipled in the children’s ministry. The body of Christ is there to help us as parents. That is what nursery workers and children’s church teachers are: spiritual mothers and fathers, there to help and encourage children’s parents. What a gift. As they say, it takes a village. That is the truth. Sometimes when parents don’t utilize these ministries, they are carrying too much on themselves and are not embracing the grace God has provided to help them.

But another reason we provide children’s ministry is because the Bible recognizes that children cannot always follow what is happening in church.

2. The Bible recognizes an age when children are old enough to participate.

There are a few places, though, that describe God’s people assembled for the teaching of his word, and there are small mentions of children. One such example is in Nehemiah:

And all the people gathered as one man into the square before the Water Gate. And they told Ezra the scribe to bring the Book of the Law of Moses that the Lord had commanded Israel. So Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand what they heard, on the first day of the seventh month. (Nehemiah 8:1–3, italics added)

This assembly around God’s word recognized a distinction between children who were not yet old enough to understand what was being said in the sermon and the rest of the service.

It is possible to be overly rigid about the conviction that children should be in worship. In our tradition, though children receive the covenant sign of baptism after birth, they are not admitted to the Lord’s Supper until they have made an age-appropriate profession of faith to the elders.

What if my kids won’t go into the nursery? Or sit quietly in church? Keep working at it. If children can’t be with God’s people other than you, this is a skill they need to learn. If your child resists both sitting in the service and going into the nursery, perhaps you could seek out a parent with children slightly older than your own and ask their advice. Fear not—we all get it. There is no judgment, and we want to help one another.

But if children are welcomed into the worship service, they are also expected to honor the law of love, to love their neighbors as themselves. And so that is a third principle we see in the Scriptures.

3. The Bible calls people to be considerate of others in the service.

 The book of 1 Corinthians gives us the most insight into the practices of the early church with regard to worship. There are two passages that speak to how we relate to one another while worshiping.

The first is Paul’s instructions on the Lord’s Supper in 1 Corinthians. This passage is often used as a rationale for prohibiting children from taking the communion because it says,

Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. (1 Cor. 11:28–29)

It is thought that children are not sophisticated enough to examine themselves, so hence they are not worthy of the table and should be kept from it.

In fact, this passage is saying the exact opposite. The problem in Corinth was that the congregation was being segregated during communion: the rich and poor were taking communion separately, the former getting drunk while the latter waited on them (vv. 18–22). In fact, keeping children away from the table is another form of segregation. (That could be considered taking the supper in an unworthy manner.)

Instead of expecting young children to exhibit a mature faith, Paul instructs the Corinthians: 

So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for one another . . . so that when you come together it will not be for judgment. (1 Cor. 11:33–34)

His instructions are simple: wait for one another. That is, be mindful, considerate of the other people in the service. This is why in our church we generally think a child is ready for communion when they are old enough to “wait for one another”—that is, to recognize they are a part of a community who together is communing with Jesus. 

If children are inconsiderate of others around them, or are not old enough to show this consideration, I don’t believe the Bible thinks we should accommodate them. We live in a culture that gives almost absolute accommodation to the demands of children. This is not the biblical model. Jesus welcomes young children to himself, but he expects them to love their neighbors, just as he expects us to do the same.

“We must welcome the children, with all their immaturity, as Jesus does, into the presence of their Maker and Savior.”

One other portion of 1 Corinthians that calls us to be considerate of others is 1 Cor. 14:20–25, where we are called to “not be children in [our] thinking.” In this passage, Paul warns about the dangers of speaking in tongues during church because visitors can’t make sense of it. In church, we should act in a way that helps the visitor come to know Christ.

This means that everyone in the worship service should be considerate of any “outsider” or “unbeliever” who might be visiting. We deeply want them to have the experience Paul describes in those verses:

But if all prophesy [that is, speak coherently] and an unbeliever or outsider enters, he is convicted by all, he is called to account by all, the secrets of his heart are disclosed, and so, falling on his face, he will worship God and declare that God is really among you. (1 Cor. 14:24–25)

This is maybe the only description in the New Testament of someone coming to faith during a worship service. And the context is about the members of the church being considerate of these visitors.

When children are unruly and distracting, they prevent the unbelieving present from hearing the saving grace offered to them in the gospel. Parents should think, “I want others to be able to hear God’s word, and so I want to minimize distraction as much as possible.” A coo here or a whine there is no big deal. But when a child is struggling, crying, or screeching, the parent should handle this in the church lobby, not in the service itself. In fact, this is not just for the visitors’ sake, but for the congregation’s—for the elderly who wear hearing aids and for others with sensory weaknesses, not to mention the average member who is trying to battle their flesh and focus on worshiping God (and the preacher himself!). 

Parents and children alike have a duty to bear all this in mind for the good of their neighbors.

Children in church, like every other area of the Christian life, involves living in the tension of a paradox. We must welcome the children, with all their immaturity, as Jesus does, into the presence of their Maker and Savior. But also, we must be considerate as Jesus welcomes others into his presence as well.

As a parent with older children now, I want to encourage those of you with younger kids. It is a joy to sit with your teenagers in church and come to the table with them. That day is coming! The teen years have their own struggles, but the challenges of the younger years do end—and the labor you put in now is worth it. The Lord’s grace is sufficient for you as you faithfully do this important work. And we are all here to encourage you!