A New Study on Spanking

Spanking is a challenging topic in today’s parenting landscape, and within our church, it’s sometimes seen as unusually emphasized. At last year’s Parenting Conference, we discussed spanking openly, as many parents struggle to talk about it yet are curious about its role in raising children. Reflecting on my own journey, I now see the value of addressing this practice clearly and without shame. Grounded in biblical wisdom and supported by recent studies, this article explores why many Christian parents view spanking as beneficial, emphasizing the need for it to be done with love, self-control, and a commitment to guiding children in truth.

I have had some people say to me that when it comes to the question of raising children, our church seems to have a strange emphasis or even insistence on spanking. At our Parenting Conference last fall (the audio for it is being released on the Renew Northwest podcast), both the talk on fatherhood and the panel discussion gave a large amount of attention to spanking.

After the conference, I had a young couple tell me they were grateful to have this topic spoken about so candidly. Apparently, young parents are slow to even talk about it—and so don’t really know who believes in spanking and who doesn’t. I remember that dilemma when my wife and I were young parents. We regularly and lovingly spanked our children, but we decided back then not to refer to it as “spanking;” instead, we called it “a discipline.” We never used the word spanking. We were afraid that we might have someone at our house who would hear our children talking about spanking and think we were crazy people who hit our children. 

I now realize this was a mistake. The community of friends we raised our children alongside all believed strongly in spanking and have all seen the blessed fruit of this practice. That should not be surprising! It is so clearly commended in the Lord’s wisdom literature. Proverbs is basically the book of the Bible about parenting. And repeatedly, Proverbs warns of the neglect of the rod:

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child

But the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15)

“Do not withhold discipline from a child; 

If you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

If you strike him with a rod,

You will save his soul from Sheol.” (Prov. 23:13-14)

(See also Prov. 13:24 and 29:15, 17)

When I was a young Christian, these verses were strange to me as I was never spanked as a child. But my wife and I regularly told each other, “We parent by faith. If God says it, we trust him. We’re gonna do it.” And we have seen over and over again that the Lord is always faithful, and his word always proves true. In this case, it was no different.

More recently, I have decided to use the word spanking as clearly and frequently as the subject comes up. Why is it important to say “spanking” instead of “discipline”? Because it is the truth. I spanked my children when they were young. I’m not only not embarrassed about that; I highly recommend it to young parents. I firmly believe that Christians need to be more and more comfortable saying what they believe is plainly true. We don’t have to be aggressive or jerks about it. But we need to be clear. We must not hide what we really think, especially on the matters that are most upsetting to our culture. 

Not only does it turn out that there are no long-term negative effects from spanking, but there are proven positive effects of appropriately applied spankings.

Over the years, I have heard some Christian parents (generally moms) quote studies that say that spanking has long-term negative effects on children. My response to this has always been, “It is quite possible that the majority of people who spank, and who were included in that study, do it in a way that I would never endorse.” We have always felt strongly that we must trust God’s word above what a scientist tells us. In addition, we have seen with our own eyes loving, confident, faithful, secure grown children who had been regularly spanked when they were younger. We just knew those studies must be flawed.

Well, recently a new, more comprehensive study has been done about the effects of spanking, and it has strongly overturned the results of these previous studies, showing that their underlying assumptions were faulty. Not only does it turn out that there are no long-term negative effects from spanking, but there are proven positive effects of appropriately applied spankings.

An article that summarized the findings of the study ended with this comment:

“Many popular parenting books say that parents should avoid all negative disciplinary consequences. That may work for easily managed children, but it is likely to be unrealistic and harmful for children who are more oppositional and defiant. European researchers have shown that these unrealistic expectations may help explain why parental burnout is more common in our country than in many others.”

This has been exactly my hunch. Some readers will know that recently, the US Surgeon General issued an advisory about the mental health and well-being of parents. Parents are going crazy and are unable to mentally handle their children. We live in a culture averse to discipline and accountability—really at all levels: from infancy, to childhood, to adolescence and schooling, onto college life, and even into the workforce. It is not surprising that such an approach makes parenting a miserable experience, so much so that it has become a mental health crisis! Shouldn’t that alarm us that something about our approach is not working? 

The movement of gentle parenting has failed to appreciate that what we are dealing with in our children is sin

I don’t want to suggest that if you spank your children, parenting will become constant bliss. My wife and I were frequently exhausted and frustrated after having five children in five years. Parenting is hard work, and our home often felt like mayhem. But I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if our children weren’t regularly being corrected by both my wife and me. The work of parenting is to pour love on these little ones and to consistently, diligently discipline them, and with little ones (ages 2-6), this means regular spankings. 

My experience is that many parents of young children, including Christian parents, are absolutely exasperated. The movement of gentle parenting has failed to appreciate that what we are dealing with in our children is sin. It is not just that they are tired or hungry or not able to express their emotions well. (These things can all be true, and a wise parent will certainly consider them!) But the heart of the child is foolish and rebellious. This sin needs to be confronted by the law of God so that the child is humbled and can be led to Christ for grace and renewal. There is nothing more important in the process of parenting young children. 

Now, let me say an important caveat: the spanking I’m talking about must be done right. If parents are lashing out in anger, lacking self-control, demeaning to children, and not giving children both thoughtful instruction as well as the grace of the gospel alongside the spanking, I agree this will do harm. (And the study above says the same.) The recent Renew podcast about Fatherhood goes into more detail about this. Spanking should be controlled, done in love, and with a clear sense of justice. If children grow up with a feeling that they were treated unjustly or without love, they will resent you for this. The Bible warns fathers about being too hard on their kids, and the wise father will soberly heed these warnings:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Col. 3:21)

These commands are just as important as the instruction to give consistent discipline to children.

The reason this is such an important issue and needs special attention is because it touches on the idols of our current generation. We live in an age of affirmation, and we believe that not affirming people all the time is a form of “harm.” I was just told this week by a school administrator that to tell a “trans girl” that he is not a girl is a form of harm or even hate. But we know that it is not a harm to speak (in a loving way) of what is true. It might hurt. It might not be what someone wants to hear. But it is actually loving. Hence, our culture thinks spanking, too, is a form of “harm.” But the Proverbs would say that leaving a child without discipline is far more harmful than the pain caused by a spanking. (In fact, Christians throughout history have known the great problems that come with undisciplined children. See Ozmet’s book When Fathers Ruled on family life during the time of the Reformation.)

I hope it might be of reassurance to young parents that a scientific study has confirmed what God’s word and God’s people have known for ages. But, we must not put our confidence in scientific studies. We put our trust in the unfailing word of God, which always leads us in the way of grace, truth, love, and justice. Thank God for his faithful shepherding to us and our children.